Hello! 

To respond to one of the comments recently left regarding the 'safety' of pro-ana sites, as well as addressing the important question as to whether or not shutting down these sites is good or bad, I have some food for thought (no pun intended).

I do agree with 'Lady Camela's' comment that, yes, these sites do provide a safe community for girls who are experiencing alienation and stigma in the 'real' social world. In many ways, cyber space is one of the few spaces where many people dealing with EDs can come together and discuss, support and deal with the traumas they are encountering. It is, as you pointed out, a fine line between support and distruction. And yes, I do agree that one must want to recovery before seeking real and professional help. With this in mind, I might also address the issue as to whether shutting such sites down is good or bad. From my research I have learned that during what I deem to be the hey day of these sites (during the late 1990's), these sites were far more graphic and dangerous compared to what we see now. For that reason Yahoo closed down the sites for violating the terms of use; the violations were predicated on 'causing harm'. In this way we might very well see that this was a proactive decision. But again, there is this issue of community and safety that these sites do provide. I am starting to conceptualize these sites as liminal spaces that have the potential to push an individual in several directions in terms of their eating disorder and body concept. I have noticed for some they realize and question the danger of these sites and the problems with sharing information in this way, while others feel good about the fact that others are in the same situation and, in a state of distorted self-perception understand that encouraging others to reach their weight goals is a good thing. 

There is still lots here to untangle and think about critically. I hope this answers some questions for those who have left comments (thanks, by the way) and that we might start to think about the functions and potential dangers/ benefits of these communities.

I am what I eat. More than calories create the body.

Participant Observation is a difficult undertaking when exploring this online community as it would literally involve acquiring an eating disorder - something I am just not prepared to do. But as I read these blogs of about food intake and exercise I am trying to understand where I fit in as an 'outsider' and how I can relate to this community more effectively. 

So I have devised a way to attempt at understanding what it might be like to not only have a preoccupation with food and exercise, but also to self-disclose on the internet. I am working on a challenging experiment. I am taking note of my caloric intake from food, and what I expend during exercise and I will post it online after four days. I was also thinking of calculating my own BMI and figuring out what my caloric intake/ expenditure might have to be to be underweight. 

Today is the first day of this experiment. So far, I have to say, this is difficult. Not only to find the caloric value of all the foods I eat, but to remember each thing that I eat ( I am trying to write it down) as well as to get an accurate measure of how many calories I expend. I am a little nervous about disclosing this as I have already discovered that my own eating habits verge on ridiculous. For example, today  I ate three 'steamies' and fries for lunch and in doing this experiment I feel myself hyper-aware of their caloric value whereas I otherwise wouldn't think twice about downing hot dogs and fries for lunch (delicious!).

Another issue that has been on my mind lately in researching the pro-ana community is the dissention between what we put in our mouths, how much we exercise, and the shape of bodies. There is this assumption it seems, that food it directly related to body size. This simply is not the case. There are so many other factors that are involved to body size, such as body type, age, hormones, access to healthy foods and lifestyle. I think of a friend who is the size of a minute, but can eat like a true champion, and other friends who diet compulsively or watch carefully what they eat and yet are unable to shed pounds. Ultimately what is at work for the people involved in this community is an distorted self-perception as well as unhealthy eating habits. There are, as I am learning, a number of reasons why people develop eating disorders, but as I have tried to express in this post, there is a myth surrounding food/calories as being the sole factors that shape the body. 

The golden ticket!

Remember how I was all "I can't get access to the sites I need... what to do? What to do?"

Remember how I was all "Wow - youtube really has a lot of 'pro-ana' videos..."?

Remember how I was all "These sites seem to have had their hey-day...."?

For about the month of February I waited for reponses, looked on open forums, but was feeling like my research was pretty thin (no pun intended). Then it hit me like a big ton of bricks. These sites might be shut, but the videos are still being posted... the girls are still out there. According to literature on the pro-ana online community, the sites facilitated a space in which young women can express and support their struggles, successes without judgement, and without the threat of being 'turned in' for treatment. Thus there will always be a need for the community no matter how perverse it may seem to an outsider. It seems that the Pro-Ana community is moved to no other than BLOGGER!!! Type in pro-ana blog on goggle and you'll get tons of links; look at who is following each other and it becomes very apparent that everything that the 'pro-ana' websites once facilitated is now happening through blogging and (for me, at least) this is a far more concise and expressive way of interacting. 

I will leave this post a bit short here, but I will update with more details soon.

And it all started when....

The phenomenon of the Pro-Anorexia web community has seen its hey day. The sites existed as an underground and secret community. It was not until the early 2000's that such sites got media exposure. At this point many were shut down. Yahoo and other hosts claimed that they had violated their user agreements not to post anything dangerous and harmful. The exposure of such sites caused an uproar in the media. The sites changed the way that many healthcare professionals were to deal with girls in treatment. More importantly for online members and website hosts, their identity, function and practices would have to be renegotiated. 

Many sites are now inactive and the sites that do exist lead to dead links. This has been a frustrating aspect of research, but it also speaks to not only the way in which these sites are subject to closure, but also to the fact that there seems to be an ambivalence towards eating disorders themselves. A common theme that permeates these sites is the inconsistency between Anorexia as a lifestyle and Ana as a burden. The turmoil expressed must reach a certain point until many of these girls and women seek treatment (this is a common pattern for those who suffer with EDs). These two factors, (sites being shut down as well as their authors abandoning the community to seek treatment) would explain the sudden inactivity. 

Feeling 'Thinspired'?

During my first year of university at the University of Victoria, I lived in residence. Every Tuesday night the girls who lived in my dorm and I would get all of our favorite junky food - pizza, chocolate milk, sour patch kids, and my personal fave, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - settle into the commons room with our pillows, in sweatpants, and watch America's Next Top Model. As we watched we would laugh, snicker and snack. The whole point of this activity was to revel in our caloric intake while these girls jumped through the hoops of modeling, hungering through the day, pouting their lips, positioning their bony hips and hollowing their tummies.

I have taken to the same tactic when exploring the Pro-Ana sites. A bowl of popcorn and a diet coke arm me as I sit and look through pages of blogs, pictures and poetry. I feel like I need this food, kind of like we girls did while watching AMTM, to remind me that food is good, that it is great actually! This practice I have taken on has led me to realize that I am sensitive to this issue, and thus need to deal with it certain ways. That said, I would like to discuss a feature of these sites that is common across the board: THINSPIRATION.

What is 'thinspiration'? As the name suggests, it is thin-inspriation. This component of the sites is a photo gallery. These galleries feature either photos of the girls themselves and celebrities. Particularly popular for their thinness is Mary Kate Olsen, Nichole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, Kira Knightly. 

Apparently you don't even need to visit these sites to get thinspired - just type in the word at youtube and there are so many videos made by Ana-Mia girls. 

If you're feeling sensitive, I suggest the candy armor tactic before checking these sites out:

www.prettythin.com/morethinspiration.htm

http://quodmenutritmedestruit.bravehost.com/realthinsps2.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9KSf1DbG8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGjJ20vWX7o&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?c=jLqsGWOSYDk&feature=related

Feeling 'Thinspired'?

Access and Ethics!

Was I ambitious to choose such a loaded subject? I think that I might have been more ridiculous than ambitious...

I have been met with more challenges and frustrations that I had anticipated.

Accessibility has proven to be problematic, and has exacerbated my concerns about conducting this research ethically. It seems that these sites, while active, are not as active as they were about 2 years ago. Many web rings and link pages have dead links. Many of the sites and blogs have not been updated for some time (1-2 years). The forums I have gained access to are often not frequented. The last time I logged into 'glitter veins' I was one of three users. It seems that these sites had a veritable hey-day and their popularity has dwindled significantly. 

Speaking of access, I had an interesting experience lately. In attempting to gain access to a forum, I was asked to 'apply'. This meant that I had to fill out a detailed form that required me to disclose my 'eating disorder' (ED) as well as explanation of my desire to join the group. The application was prefaced by a disclaimer that warned against fakers (aka- people like me!). Needless to say, I was confused. I am not about to pose as someone who has an eating disorder, but as a young female, is it unethical to say that sometimes I struggle with my body image? This was the route I took in the explanation part, just to see if I would be approved. I haven't heard back. I didn't make the cut.

I have contacted all of the 'web-mistresses' or hosts of these sites and only one woman has e-mailed me back. She seemed eager to exchange thoughts as well as to dispell the myths around these sites. However, she has not returned any of my subsequent e-mails. 

Another access/ ethical issue I have is that many of the girls on these sites are really young. I'm talking 12-15 years old. There is something about this age group that makes me particularly tentative. 

So while I can't gain access by being 'one of the group' in any legitimate way, I was thinking of a new approach to my participation. I thought that maybe I would simply start posting links to 'recovery sites', or information clinics and see what kind of reaction surfaces. Perhaps if I did this in the least threatening way I can think of it will be helpful. Any thoughts? please!?